TENNIS in DEPTH.

Hi Tiger. It’s Roger. Roger Federer? Would appreciate a call, mate. After the problems you and Thierry have had recently, I’ve got the press on my case, wondering what the final member of the Gillette clean-cut threesome has got to hide. Can’t think of anything. Maybe you can.

Yo Tiger, Nick Faldo. We’ve just been chatting here in the commentary box and we thought you might need cheering up, old pal. So, here’s a joke for you. What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Well, Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

Tiger, Roger. Apparently some tabloid in England has found out about the Wilkinson Sword business. Remember? Any advice?

Yo Tiger, Nick. Just got this on the text, it’s a cracker. Apparently Tiger Woods crashed into both a fire hydrant and a tree. Seems he couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron. See what they did there?

Hello Tiger, this is Melissa Mounds. The cocktail waitress? From Bouncers in Fort Lauderdale? Remember? You seemed really interested in my banana daiquiris? Anyways, when we swapped phone numbers, you said you’d be in touch, but I haven’t heard anything. I’ve been working so hard I haven’t watched any TV or stuff the last week, but tonight’s my night off and I could really use a bit of fun. So if you’re free, why not come on over? I could fix you our latest cocktail? It’s a mix of tequila and Bailey’s Irish Cream. We call it a Traffic Accident, ‘cos after three of them you feel like you just driven into a tree.

It’s Roger. They just found out we all use King of Shaves. What to do? Call me.

Yo Tiger, Nick. I’m cracking up here, gotta share this one with you mate. What were Tiger Woods and his missus doing still up and about at 2.30 in the morning? That’s right: they were out clubbing.

Tiger, it’s Roger again. Just to let you know, I’m growing a beard.

Tiger, Vince from Nike. This could be a winner for us, Tiger. I’m thinking rebel, night bird, not playing by the man’s rules. I’m thinking cocktail bars, strip joints, nightclubs: just do it, Tiger. One thing, though. Someone in the office has checked out that CCTV footage of you out and about in Vegas and they reckon those were adidas trainers you were wearing. Please tell me no, Tiger. Because that’s what we would really call cheating.

This is Faisal from Dubai Holdings. About our ongoing sponsorship agreement: man, you think you got problems?

Courtesy    The Telegraph.

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